I want you to be happier.
The song lyrics keep lingering on my head. I listened to this song last Friday night. When Bastille sang: “Lately, I have been thinking, I want you to be happier“, the very first sentence and I could not hold back my tears.
The truth is I love my parents, my brother, my little family so much. The truth is I miss my grandparents so much. The truth is I want to talk to my grandfather again because I know I could never have the chance to see him again the next minute. The truth is I forgave him. The truth is I want my time back when I was a little child, 5 years old, and you were holding me in your arms, and I would forget everything, every single fight but you, your stories and I would do anything to take back those 10 years of hatred and tears. Grandpa, I miss you so much and I wish I could see your smile and hear your voice. I wish I could tell you that I don’t hate you even when you made my mom sad and cry.
I know he is going to die soon. My Grandpa is going to leave me. And I haven’t told him that I am sorry, that now I want to forget and forgive, that I behaved like a spoiled, self-righteous child.
The truth is I was running away like a coward when I knew I could not handle my emotions.
And leave everyone behind.
And I wish I have the courage to tell my father and my mother that I wish they could be happier. I love them so much.
Dad, I am growing up, and I will be happier every single minute. I will love myself more and more, and I will treasure every opportunity. Dad, I argue with you all the time when I felt like I was right and you were wrong, but never ever have I wanted to make you sad and disappointed.
Mom, I slammed the door a thousand times, but never in my life have I meant to break your heart.
Grandpa, can you wait for me come back
and be hugged by you?